A review of Tom Perrotta’s The Abstinence Teacher

Tom Perrotta, the reigning bard of American suburbia, can inspire compassion for the most unlikely of subjects. In Election, he humanizes heartless, bitchy Tracy; in Little Children, he measures out kindnesses to Larry the violent racist as well as Ronald the convicted sex offender. But in his latest novel, Perrotta takes on a subject that is perhaps even more difficult to write about in a sympathetic light: evangelical Christianity. The Abstinence Teacher tells the story of an unexpected culture war in cushy northeastern Stonewood Heights, and it all begins when a student in Ruth Ramsey's health class compares oral sex to "French-kissing a toilet seat".

Unfazed, Ruth speaks out for the better qualities of the act, stating nonchalantly, "Some people enjoy it." But when the fundamentalist Tabernacle of the Gospel Truth gets wind of this, the situation balloons into a community crisis, inspiring newspaper headlines like "Oral Sex A-OK, Teacher Tells Kids" (16). Spotting an opportunity to spread Christian values to the schools, the Tabernacle is quick to frame this minor conflict in large moral terms, a method proved effective on other Stonewood Heights sins like adult video rentals and banners that say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."